omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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