he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
