Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
