I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
