just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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