Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
