I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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