life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
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So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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