i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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