Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
