Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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