Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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