don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
