She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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