babies were throwing up all over the place
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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