where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
