At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
