one might say we're banned from that church
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
