Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
