paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
