Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
