I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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