it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
