went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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