you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
