I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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