Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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