I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
