sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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