If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
