do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
