I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize