how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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