During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
