I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
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