It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just gargled with NyQuil
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
PANTIES FOUND
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