I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Let's get the cat blown out
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
