what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
