Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
