I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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