one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
