break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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