Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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