i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
