i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
