you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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