I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
