How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
