She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
