Everything about him screamed your future.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
