I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
