im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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