remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
