dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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