i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
