i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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