Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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