WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
